“Aren’t cocktails supposed to, y’know, be enjoyable?” the man said to the bartender.
“Hell no. This is AMERICA. Take your “PC” taste buds to France if you want a pussy drink.”
Caught off guard, the man replied, “Well… I guess I don’t want to be a pussy. Are you sure this drink is safe though?”
“Hell yes. In fact, 46% of America says this drink is making bars great again. And it’s absolutely KILLING in Russia.”
The man took another sip, trying to learn to accept the cocktail in front of him. He cringed slightly, then whispered to not draw attention to himself, “This is pretty rough. Is there any way I can get that other drink I wanted instead?”
The bartender chuckled, “Yeah, maybe in Canada.” He let out a long, productive cough while laughing at the thought of making silly, reasonable drinks in Canada… wherever that is.
The Donald Trump
3/4 oz white whiskey (made in USA)
3/4 oz unflavored moonshine (made in USA)
3/4 oz vodka (made in USA… but Russian vodka is acceptable)
3/4 oz light rum (made in USA or US territories)
1/2 oz triple sec (made in USA)
4 dashes orange bitters (preferably Regans)
Topped with Coke to taste (not the Mexican real sugar stuff, we’re looking for HFCS)
Garnish with a garish cocktail umbrella (made in China)
Served up in a suitably oversized martini glass (wine glass alt… because they’re bigger), shaken vigorously while shouting, “USA, USA, USA.”
The Trump pic up top is from the brilliant One Tiny Hand.